The Neuroscience Of Connection: How Social Constructs Boost Engagement - Forbes

Have you ever had the experience where a sales pitch felt intrusive and even offensive because it was delivered in a social context?

Recently I was out to dinner with a friend. We were brainstorming regarding how to align his siblings on care for his mother who is in the early stages of dementia. In the middle of this tender moment, a woman approached us hawking jewelry. I thought “Seriously? We’re having a private and sensitive conversation. Ick.” Alarm bells went off in my brain. Literally.

It’s because social connections are sacred, and we’re wired to protect against interlopers that want to break into them.

Social Constructs Outrank Transactional Constructs Every Time

A social construct is a group of people that have agreed to come together. They’ve opted in, with the shared purpose of connecting. Being subjected to a sales pitch in the middle of a social construct is unexpected and annoying. It can break our feel-good groove.

A transactional construct is when we agree to an exchange of value. We get something, so we’re ok to give something in return. We opt in to the free whitepaper because we want access to valuable information. We’re receptive to the pitch because we’re in transaction mode.

So why do marketers, and leaders too, so often pitch in the wrong construct?

Because they don’t understand the brain. A while back I had the honor of being a pre-reader for Dr. Matt Lieberman’s new book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Lieberman is a social neuroscientist at UCLA. He has found that there is a considerable difference between the neural networks in our brain responsible for social thinking versus abstract reasoning. The relationship between these two networks is antagonistic, says Lieberman, and when one network is active—or prevalent—the other is diminished. This is why we don’t want to do complex analysis while at a cocktail party, or don’t want to be interrupted with social demands when we’re in deep nonsocial thinking mode.

Social Constructs Increase Employee Engagement and Connection

What does this mean for leadership?

As a leadership and culture coach, I find that today, more than ever, we need to help our team feel good about their work. This helps them feel good about their world. We all know it’s crazy out there and the uncertainty won’t be ending any time soon. We can intentionally make work a safe and engaging haven, and with minimal effort.

If you’re having a team bonding session, don’t pitch a complex project or ask people to be analytical. Don’t break the social connection. Let the fun and stories flow. When we’re bonding outside, a lot of good is happening inside:

· Everyone is enjoying a brain bath of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine (and possibly other hormones or neurotransmitters) that they’re currently basking in

· The reward centers of the brain (ventral striatum and septal areas) are lit up like a Christmas tree, our prefrontal cortex (which manages reduced threat perception and a lot more) is soothed, so great ideas may be popping in, and social connection activates our pleasure centers (nucleus accumbens and more) too

· We’re experiencing secure attachment because we have receptive people to be attached to.

By knowing this we can design social constructs to be more effective, to be focused on what humans value most highly in social constructs.

Here are some tips:

· Focus on what everyone has in common, such as interest in sports, hobbies, entertainment

· Focus on a shared project you’re all working on together, something you’re co-creating

· Focus on how you belong together, what you all care about, how you are similar as human beings with shared or similar values

· Learn and grow together, so you experience some positive stress (which group games can help create) as well as “ah ha” moments

As leaders, one of the most important things we do is align, engage, enroll people. Then we can cultivate and elevate people in a culture built on trust and safety, belonging, mattering.

How are you capitalizing on social constructs with your team?

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